(written June 2nd)
Freewriting. My thoughts are a lot different than they used to be, it seems. I used to think up funny things quite easily, and random thoughts were a lot easier to come by. Now my thoughts are more serious and straight. I think about things like justice and truth and praising God and what God requires of me and what it really means to glorify God. That isn’t all there is, of course. There’s also the fear and the tiredness and discouragement and the constant fight against lies from within and without. And there’s the cute baby sister and the little brothers who always want to do something and the medium sisters who like to talk about books and the tall little brother who is quiet but likes to joke around and philosophize and there’s the big little sister who is there, quiet or talking. I don’t know. Sometimes I like the change and sometimes I wonder where Carissa went. I’m twenty two and I actually feel like it sometimes. Which is very odd, since I never felt twenty or twenty one… I still don’t really believe I’m that old, but I feel like I am. At least my hair’s not gray… 😀 I’m not really discouraged or down… just quiet. I’ve got some of the too-still stillness, I think. But not too bad… I’ve still got hope. If a day comes when I don’t have hope, something will be desperately wrong… I am very hopeful, to the point of annoying myself. There’s fruit ninja noises in the background along with little brother comments and some banging around in the kitchen.