When I was younger, I said a lot of things that I now regret. Not because they were mean, or wrong, or bad.
Because they were right–very right–and I didn’t mean them.
I knew what to say. I knew how to sound like a good Christian girl. I could easily impress the adults. (I’ve always been rather surprised at how easy adults are to fool. :P)
And now that I DO mean them, I feel hypocritical sometimes– simply because of years of saying them without feeling or meaning them deeply. I wanted to mean them, to be sure. But I didn’t. And now I feel like others will think I am just saying them… that they won’t know that I really truly mean it now. Because if… I’m still saying the same things… it doesn’t seem like anything has changed. But so much has.
And it isn’t me, it’s Him. And I want people to see, to know what He does…
A little girl at our home group study thing asked us to pray that she would really mean it when she said she loved Jesus… that she wouldn’t just say it. Oh, that I had asked for that kind of prayer!