Oh, the Things You Hear…

… when you’re the oldest in a family of eight children. 😀 I thought it would be fun to share a few of the funnies (and a few more serious ones as well) I’ve collected from over the past few years… primarily from William and Matthew.

William: Carissa, WHEN are you going to get married?? (He had this belief that when you turned twenty, you got married. Well, I turned twenty, and I still wasn’t married!!)

Carissa: I don’t know…

William: Are you going to talk to someone? Are you going to ask them something?

Carissa: Like what?

William: Like, “what is your name?”… “Oh, I like that name! Do you want to marry me?”

(William knows how to do these things–just get straight to the point.)

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Matthew: Are the Duggars in heaven?

Carissa: no, they live in Arkansas

Matthew: I don’t know where that is

Carissa: we can look on a map…

Matthew: Are there dragons in Arkansas?

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Papa: (After reading a Bible story) What is praying?

Matthew: Talking to God

Papa: Have you ever fasted?

Matthew: Yes

Papa: What is fasting?

Matthew: I don’t know… it’s fast!

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Carissa: Won’t it be fun when I have children?

Matthew: Yeah, cause then I’ll be your Grandpa!

(That one still makes me laugh out loud… :D)

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William, about his stomach making noises: “The bugs made a piano in my stomach and it makes music!”

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Matthew: “I’m pretty strong, too– I can chew hard things!” (said like we say “do hard things”)

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Matthew: “I was kidding because I thought they were kids.”

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Matthew: William is a mom

Carissa: No, he is not. Why did you say that?

Matthew: I was kidding. That’s what kidding is like

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Matthew: “Ohayoo Gozimasu! Ohayoo Gozimasu! Ohayoo Gozimasu! That means good night in Spanish!

(um, actually, it means good morning in Japanese. :D)

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Matthew: God’s microscope is called His eyes

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Matthew: We are just moving grains of salt.

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Matthew: They have a short family–only four people!!

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Matthew: we’re going to get out the mustard, and the manatees… (mayonnaise) (He said manatees on purpose, just for fun. 😛 :D)

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Questions:

Why does God want us to be alive on earth so long?

Why is the sun a fiery ball? Why is it so hot?

How does gravity keep an upside down person on the ground?

What would happen if the sun touched the earth?

(And that is just a very small sampling of the sort of questions we have to try to answer… I shall have to record more next time I venture to lay in bed with them as they are “falling asleep”…)

Freewriting, by Carissa. Watch Out. :P

I have a few more minutes left, and I’m not sure what to write about. So I’m just going to write as fast as I can and see what comes to mind. At least, I will if anything clear does come to mind. At the moment my mind is rather a muddle. My mind is a muddle? What’s a muddle? Do I want to have a muddle for a mind? Probably not, it sounds too much like a puddle. Though, actually, I do like puddles. They are fun to splash in. And also people look at you rather queerly when you are an adultish person and you are wearing a skirt and splashing in one. Which, for some reason, highly amuses me. My little timer went off but I haven’t really written anything worthwhile. Why do I always think it must be worthwhile? Maybe because I like to add worth to people’s lives. Doesn’t that sound noble? Or maybe it’s just because I’m prideful and I want to seem like I have something to say. That doesn’t sound very noble. At any rate, I like making sense. Which I’m not doing currently. See what happens when I just write whatever pops into my mind? It gets odd. Speaking of which, though actually it’s not related at all, did you actually try to imagine what it would be like to be separated from God for all eternity? I did, a little bit. It got really scary, and I did actually shudder. So I figured that I would not keep imagining it, because–oh, am I thankful!–I will never have to experience that horrid reality. I have thought about loneliness lately and realized that I never have actually been truly alone. Never. What. a. blessing. All my life I’ve either been surrounded by my loving family, or I’ve been in communion with my God. I don’t even know what it’s like to be utterly alone. I can imagine it, but I’ve never quite felt it. Glimpsed it, perhaps, when I was feeling melancholy and not thinking clearly. But never for real. Anyways, isn’t it exciting that this world isn’t our home, and that we’re going to a better place? And that we’ll get to have God is awesome talks ALL DAY? Except it won’t actually be all day, since there isn’t time in eternity. So I guess it will be… all eternity. Which is actually cooler. And not only THAT but we’ll also be able to see God in all His glory. You know, the song “I can only imagine” is nice, but it isn’t entirely accurate. We don’t have to imagine what we’ll do when we see God. We know what we’ll do. We’ll fall flat  on our face. Because… He is that awesome. Wow, I told you my mind is weird. I go from puddles to heaven. I don’t know exactly how I did that… *ponders brains* Aren’t brains amazing? Didn’t God do a good job? Speaking of God doing a good job, the sunset this morning was awesome. First the clouds were just gray and rather shapeless…and then the sun rose a little more, and they began to blush a pretty pink, and soon they were all tinged with golden light. It was glorious. And the moon was still out, too, and it was really clear. Somehow it’s much easier to praise God when you’re surrounded by the brilliance of His creation, isn’t it? Have you had enough of my randomness? Are you glad I don’t normally write my posts like this? Do you see what I mean about being paradoxical? Isn’t that a fun word? It’s long, too. *counts letters* I think there are twelve. Of course, being a homeschooler, I can’t always count on my counting skills. ha ha. See?? This is what I have to put up with. My brain is forever coming up with puns. Good thing I like them… Sorry if they annoy you, though. It is just part of who I am, because I have a very wordy brain and a very connecty brain… so it does stuff like that. Anyhow, I had better stop writing now. This is getting weird. Okay. Bye. I’m stopping. Watch me.

There I stopped.

Oops, nevermind.

The End.

Bye.

[Editing] Shopping

Today I went shopping with my sister Cheryl. Or, rather, Cheryl went shopping and I drove and looked like a mostly sort of possibly grown up person.

Especially when I first started doing all our shopping, I felt nearly useless.. she is much better at it than I am. I was forever asking, “Where is this, Cheryl?” And she would, of course, promptly direct me to the correct aisle. She was very helpful in other ways, too– like when I tried to put lettuce directly into the shopping cart, instead of first putting it into a bag. “Carissa! What are you doing?! You need a bag!!” And she shook her head and looked a look which said something to the effect of, “what AM I going to do with you, my poor dear helpless older sister?” while getting me a bag.

I used to detest shopping– it seemed an awfully boring, long, exhausting activity, and I generally avoided it as much as possible. That is, until I realized that someday I would be the one exclusively responsible for the shopping (sometimes I have these flashes of brilliance, see.): I then figured I probably should learn something about how it is done. So, I began going on more shopping trips. However, I still wasn’t the primary shopper, and was only mildly useful.

And then, once I was a licensed driver, I became Errand Lady. “Carissa, can you go get some ice cream?” “Carissa, please go get some sour cream.” “We are out of half and half, can you go get some?” Why it’s always dairy products, I’m not sure. Ahem. (Well, actually, those just happened to be the things that came to mind… though ice cream is an extremely common reason to send me to the store. And I’m the one who is trying to get us to eat healthier! Oh well… at least I get to pick the ice creams with less bad stuff… :D)

When mama was very pregnant with Esther, she asked if I could take over the shopping. I accepted the challenge– with much fear and trembling. Um, not really. But I was a bit unsure about how well I would do…

I was handed $300, with which to buy food for 10 (We can count Esther, right? Since she was getting some of the nutrition…) people for an entire week. And it had to last for 7 different stores. (Well, to be precise, 6 stores and one “farm”.)  And I had to make everyone happy. AND get healthy food.

I discovered how quickly money can disappear when you are shopping for so many people… It was quite shocking to discover that I spent over SIXTY at the first store!! Help! Was I going to have enough to last for the remaining stores??

Thankfully, I did have enough. And spending $60 at one store, especially if it’s a health food store, turns out to be fairly normal: it has happened every time since. But still, that first time was a rather nerve wracking experience. However, I lived. And, not only that, but we had food ALL week long! Which, I thought, was a good thing.

Now I have a much better system for shopping, though odd things still happen. (Take today, for instance. I turned a couple streets too soon, in a too-eager attempt to get to the health food store (I was rather tired and somewhat confused in the head), so I had to turn around. Sounds easy, right? Ha! Have you ever tried to turn around a fifteen passenger van in an area where there are one way streets? It’s not as easy as it sounds, let me tell you… I had to go in one parking lot, turn around, realize that I couldn’t go the way I wanted to coming out of that gas station, go down a different road which I hoped ended up back out at the main road (fortunately it did), and turned on to the main street, did a u-turn, drove a little bit, and ended up back a the light I had turned at: I basically went in a very large circle. 😀

Another instance: I was calmly filling up a bag with rice at the bulk bins, when rice started spouting out of the bag and skittering across the floor: apparently there was a hole in the bag. Not good. Thankfully I was able to hold the bag in such a way that it ceased to flow from the hole: and I promptly tore another bag from the dispenser and put the rice, holey bag and all, in it. The good thing is that I am friends with some of the ladies there, and one of them happened to be close at hand, so she promptly began sweeping it up. Very nice of her.)

After sharing a few examples of my less-than-awesome (though rather amusing) shopping moments, I think I ought to balance that out my informing you of my newly developed shopping principles.

1. Go as quickly as possible, while still enjoying the time and being pleasant.

2. Smile at as many people as possible

3. Get as much food as I can for the least money I can with the most health I can. (Um.. I just realized that could be taken another way, so to clarify: I do not, in fact, can “as much food”, “least money”, OR “health”.)

4. Tell at least one new person about Esther (Okay, so that isn’t exactly a principle, but I have done that every week thus far…)

5. Come back home with money left–preferably something like $40. (I’ve actually been doing that the last few times! :D)

The people in the grocery stores seem to share the opinion of my family and I that the majority of people we know have: They’re weird, but we like them. A contributing factor of this opinion, I am quite sure, is our ice cream trips…

The First Five (Hannah, Josiah, Emily, Cheryl and I) go to Publix late at night, shortly before closing time. Our mission: ice cream. We generally listen to a certain song about a fox who kills a goose. It’s very violent. Well, sort of.

We turn it up loud and belt it out, and then joke about how odd it is that we listen to children’s songs turned up “loud”, when most young folks going out at night would be listening to vastly different music.

We walk into the store, talking and possibly laughing: definitely grinning. We make a beeline to the ice cream aisle, and spend a great deal of time pondering a Very Important Question: what kinds of ice cream shall we buy? After we choose the same two kinds we always seem to, we head off to the scales. Off come the shoes, and we step on, one at a time (well, usually… ahem.) and exclaim over our weights.

Quickly, we go check out– before they close.

Walking out to the van, we often exclaim about how awesome Publix is and how great the carts are– so smooth!

(Can you tell we love Publix? Or at least we love all the green, the smooth shopping carts, [We like to go to Walmart and then Publix: that way we really appreciate the carts–since Walmart’s are so, um, well… you could call them good exercise, I guess] the pretty flowers and other plants they sell, the delicious meal samples, [yesterday it was salmon and a chick-pea salad!] the nice people, [we’ve known some of them since Cheryl was a baby… so yeah.] the balloons, the scales, the moose tracks frozen yogurt… okay, that is a long enough commercial, I think.)

Now, it would seem, I am supposed to come up with a nice, tidy ending sentence: something that ties all of that randomness into one main point. If… that is possible.

So… shopping is fun! Sometimes.

There, does that work?

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I made things clearer, added some “shopping principles”, and a little commercial for Publix, among other random things. I think I’m just going to call this the final draft, since I don’t think there is a particular need to make this ramble into a fantastic article.